Consent Conversation Misses the Mark
As Western Reserve Academy’s Junior and Senior students began to flood the Chapel seats, preparing themselves for the annual consent talk they’ve had for the past three years, which avoids mentioning sex by using tea as a euphemism, they encountered an unfamiliar face, Ms. Sindy Warren. The former lawyer and current human resources consultant, faced students with an opposite approach in mind. As she outlined Ohio’s Title 9 laws regarding consent, students realized that this wouldn’t be their typical consent talk. Initially, students listened as laws were laid out, with an occasional laugh as she mentioned the words “oral” and “anal,” but as she described examples of consent gone wrong, her views became abundantly clear. Boys need to be wary of jealous, manipulative girls ready to accuse them at the drop of a hat, and girls need to watch their behavior.
This attitude pervaded the tone of the entire talk. She detailed specific cases in which obsessed girls falsely accused men or got too drunk and allowed themselves to be raped. Two examples, in particular, demonstrate this bias. In one situation, Ms. Warren stated, a “nice boy from a good family” somehow obtained pictures of a naked girl from their school and airdropped this photo to a group of boys on his team. Several hours later, the police arrived at his doorstep and proceeded to arrest him for distributing child pornography. Warren then explained how this incident ruined this “nice young man’s” life, failing to recognize his fault and, more importantly, how this situation affected the girl’s life, relationships, and reputation. The immorality of the young man’s actions was dismissed entirely. She failed to display sympathy for this young girl, blaming her for taking the picture, and completely disregarding the boy’s role in the event.
The second situation Sindy Warren shared involved the infamous Stanford case, People vs. Turner, in which a swimmer at Stanford raped a young woman behind a frat house. Turner has since become the face of college rape culture, an example of precisely what not to do. Although Ms. Warren acknowledges that Turner is at fault, she still expresses sympathy for him and his ruined reputation. As she stated, “two lives were ruined that night” students exchanged shocked stares and gasps. She then continued, claiming that the victim passed out after a night of drinking and implored students present to watch out for their friends when going out and to avoid potentially dangerous situations. She failed to address the fact that the man was also drunk, and the issue was the rape, not the alcohol. Through the framing of this narrative, Warren justified men’s reckless behaviors while imploring women to remain reserved and responsible.
Students exited the Chapel with many feelings of disgust, confusion and anger. They gathered outside the Chapel, loudly repeating the problematic phrases mentioned throughout this talk; “two lives were ruined that night” and “a nice boy from a good family.” These murmurs quieted as time passed, with the school failing to acknowledge students’ concerns. The administration’s silence raises many questions, mainly; does this represent Western Reserve Academy’s view toward sex and consent? With its commitment to developing young leaders, WRA must teach students that sexual assault and harassment are wrong. The interpersonal consequences of these actions speak louder than the legal ones, as 63% of sexual assault cases go unreported, and victims rarely receive justice. In talking about consent, the emphasis should be placed on teaching people how to respect those they are in a relationship with, those they are sexually active with, and how the trauma of assault can follow a survivor for the entirety of their lives. Knowing about the legality around consent is valuable, but one’s motivation should stem from respect for their partners, rather than fear of potential punishment. If Ms. Sindy Warren’s talk fails to teach students the moral implications of their actions, what does that say about WRA’s current and future values regarding sex and consent?
– Elba Heddesheimer ’23, Jenny Williams ’23
The Reserve Record 